The Stone Was Rolled Away

Photo by Bruno van der Kraan on Unsplash

Joseph was set free from the pit 

The Israelites were set free from their captivity 

They made it to the promised land 

Jerico's walls came tumbling down

Their foes were defeated 

David's sins were forgiven 

Solomon was given the wisdom he asked for 

Ester helped secure the lives of a whole race 

God sent messengers to His people 

Jesus healed everyone who asked

The stone was rolled away 

Jesus raised to life 

He left his spirit 

And He's coming back

God likes happy endings. Don't worry. Sunday's on the way.

When Waiting Begins to Hurt

This is not one of my most put together poems, but a lot has been piling up recently and prompted me to write this. I was recently reminded in several ways how much I need to be storing up treasure in my eternal home, not in my temporary one.

Sometimes the waiting hurts 

When people we love die 

When pets go on 

And there’s financial strain 

When people get injured 

And decisions are hard 

The waiting begins to hurt 

It’s a subtle realization 

A small stabbing in the heart 

That this world 

Will never be my home 

I’m trying to store up treasure 

In that home, not this 

I’m laying aside things 

Knowing I’ll see them again 

But as friends go before me 

And hurt begins to stab 

I know I’ll see them again 

Because what’s lost in the world

That clings to His mighty grace

Is never lost for good 

It's waiting at home 

But this waiting is beginning to hurt 

I’m getting a hankering for home 

So I can see what I lost face to face 

And know, as I always have 

That all this pain 

Is worth the wait 

You Probably Never Knew

I had another post planned for today, but a dear old friend of mine died, and so this is about him. He had been a friend of the family's since we moved to this house twenty years ago. 

Every Wednesday this summer 

You wanted me to sit with you 

and tell you how I was doing 

You wanted to know about my family 

You probably never knew 

How much that meant to me

Every Wednesday

You would tell me how much 

You loved my blog posts

Every week

You probably never knew 

How much that meant to me 

Every Wednesday 

We would sit together 

And sometimes we'd laugh 

About stories of my family 

And how you watched us grow up 

You probably never knew 

How much that meant to me

Every Wednesday 

You would give me a hug 

And tell me you were glad I came

And that you missed me at your church 

You probably never knew 

How much that meant to me 

Every Wednesday 

Quickly became a favorite 

Because I got to spend it 

With you 

And I never told you 

How much that meant to me 

Every Wednesday 

From now till forever 

You get to spend with 

the One you loved best 

And I hope He tells you 

Just how much you really meant 

To all of us down here 

Every Wednesday 

I'm going to think of you  

And the time we had together 

And how you always cared about my life

I can't wait to see you again 

So that I can finally tell you 

Just how much you meant to me 

Till we meet again, Mr. Emmons. I'm glad you're home. 

Couldn't Ask For Better

This is for a dear friend.

Working all day 

Studying all night 

Gotta make good grades 

Dedicated 

Coming home to little sis 

Watching her grow so fast 

Being the best sister possible 

Caring 

Stepping out and making friends 

When it's easier to stay alone 

Knowing connections are worth it 

Priorities in line 

Taking the time in a busy day 

Calling friends just to say hi 

Making time for them 

Sacrificial 

Listening to God's call 

Following His word 

Putting Him first 

Loving 

I couldn't ask for a better friend than you, girl. Happy 20'th birthday!!

Where There was Darkness

I wrote this for a friend a while ago.

What was broken 

Is mending 

Where there was darkness

There is light 

Pouring in 

Over everything 

We used to think 

we were broken 

Without hope of being 

Put back together 

We thought we were too far 

Way too far gone 

But maybe after all 

Those cracks 

Were to let the light in 

And all the broken places 

Were to show me 

God’s perfection 

And His love 

In lifting us out 

Of the darkness 

Noise That Fills the Day

Songs to wake me up 

To help through workout 

Reading through the morning 

Talking through lunch 

Audiobook to work to 

Music while I blog 

Writing on a review 

Texting in between 

More music while we work 

Conversations through dinner 

Phone call after cleaning 

Then outside to see the sunset 

And stopping short 

To realize how quiet it is 

No music fills the air 

No talking from nearby 

This silence speaks 

Multitudes by itself 

Breathe in the cold air 

Hear my own thoughts 

Listen to God’s still voice 

As He tells me to be still 

Be still and quiet 

And know that He is God 

Loosing Christmas Joy

Christmas joy 

Seems lost this year

The sparkle of the season 

Seems beyond my reach 

Nothing I do 

Can bring it back 

I struggle to find 

That magic anticipation 

That longing in my heart 

For that special day 

But this year seems to go by 

In faded black and white

I can’t find my Christmas spirit

And I have begun to wonder 

If I’ll ever get it back 

And somehow 

As these thoughts go 

Through my mind 

I realize 

I’m focusing on me 

During a season 

That’s all about Him 

So maybe instead 

Of being worried

That I’ve lost my anticipation 

I should focus 

On God’s amazing gift 

And the fact that this year 

My family is all together 

I won't be posting on Monday because of Christmas, but I'll be back next Friday!

Keep Working

Stressed out 

Keep working 

Pain shooting 

Keep running 

Breath ragged 

Keep walking 

Heart hurting 

Keep loving 

Work dragging 

Keep plugging

Year slipping 

Keep gripping 

Tears gathering 

Keep fighting 

Words broken 

Keep Praying 

My Mission

Stressed but blessed 

Under a mountain of work 

Trying to dig myself out 

Trying to find the end 

Somehow forgetting 

That this is my mission 

This is my purpose 

Every little project 

Building into a greater plan 

Sometimes it doesn't 

Feel like that 

But I have to remember 

That I don't look at things 

The way God does 

And every little project 

Every letter I write

Is building on something 

Bigger then I can see

Sorry this is so late, the internet here has been terrible.

Life Moves On

(Honestly, I wrote this weeks ago, and this isn't how I feel right now, but I am brain dead from NaNo and have nothing else to post.)

Life moves on 

Even after heartache 

After countless apologies 

And tears that burned 

The tears go away 

And the ache fades 

People forget 

But today it feels like forever 

Like it will never pass 

The pain is still fresh 

While waiting until 

Life moves on

Five Minutes to Spare

I was sitting at Whataburger (Best burgers in the world. Only in Texas), doing NaNo. My sister Grace had to step away for a minute, and so I was typing alone. A man in his late sixty’s leaned over to me from the seat down and asked if I was still in school. When I told him no, he told me that he was retired UPS and that if I was looking for a part-time job, that was the place to go. He proceeded to go on for a long time about what the job looked like, and the hours and benefits. I was a little wary, I mean, I was trying to write, but I didn’t want to upset the man. I can always spare a few minutes. 

The man got a call a minute later. I only heard his part of the conversation, but he was talking to his wife who was in the hospital. He promised to come to see her just as soon as the hospitals visiting hours opened up. 

I don’t know if the man just likes telling people about UPS, or if he needed someone to talk to, but I am so glad I was sitting there. Five minutes was all that guy needed. He needed someone to listen and I am so glad (as a package enthusiast) I was sitting next to him.

Hot Button Convitions

I am friends with a lot of conservative Christians (mainly because I am one myself), and there is one thing that never fails to start an argument. It's one tiny little word, but if you drop it in the right circle, you could be looking at hours of debating. What's the word? Courtship.

This debate has been around longer then I have been alive. Christians everywhere have super strong opinions about courtship vs dating.

People fight about what is right until they're blue in the face. But you know what most of it boils down to? Trying to make everyone else believe what they believe.

We have this belief that we need people to agree with us. Some of that is out of concern for their future choices, but most of it is because we just can't believe we would be wrong.

You want to hear something comforting? You're not wrong. Whether you believe in courtship or dating you. are. not. wrong. If you have made your decision out of conviction of the Holy Spirit, then you're not wrong. Of course, I can't say that it will for sure be a good experience, but all it boils down to is what you feel convicted of.

I chose courtship, my best friend chose to date, both because we felt led by the Holy Spirit. (Though neither of us has yet to actually use our choice).

So courtship is a hot-button word right now. But why are we worried about other peoples convictions when we should be focusing on our own hearts?

I do not always agree with my friend's choices. I wouldn't make them myself. But I am praying God would give me grace that I might accept that He doesn't always call us to the same things.

My Life Doesn't Go Like I Want

My life rarely works the way I want it to. I've got some magical idea on how I want my life to go, and only once in a blue moon does it actually go that way. 

This post was going to be excerpts from my book, but Word won't let me into my documents because I need to buy the full version of the product to even copy things out of it. 

Today my phone froze three times while I was trying to work on it. Any time I get on the WiFi it freezes, so I know I shouldn't get on the WiFi on it, but I do anyway. 

My sister and I did clay masks together for fun and both ended up with our faces red from a bad reaction to it. 

None of these things went how I planned them. But God's been showing me things, sometimes after things happen. 

My frustration with Word keeps reminding me that good things are not always free, and I can't just expect life to be handed to me on a silver platter. 

My phone freezing it reminding me to put it down and be where I am. I am so prone to ignore this lesson though, and just keep getting frustrated. 

The clay masks, well that just gave my sister and me a good chance to laugh as our cheeks very quickly returned to their normal color. It was good to laugh at myself like that. 

So yeah, my life doesn't go the way I plan, and I am grateful for it. Everything I come to is a chance to grow. While I know I have passed up countless opportunities to grown (with the phone, mainly), I'm grateful God gives me so many chances to grown in Him. 

Love is Not Proud || A One Sentence Dialogue

It's been four months, but I'm happy to be back for another post office story. If you haven't read the others, you can read them here: Part One. Part Two. Part Three. Part Four. Part Five. Part Six.

Where to next?

The Post office.

Again?

Yes.

Did you forget something?

Yes, a ticket.

Oh, you’re going on a trip?

I am.

Where to?

To see a friend.

Is this the girl…

Yes.

Is that really advisable?

I think so.

Why?

She needs me.

Oh?

She needs someone to be there for her.

But you of all people…

Know what it’s like to need someone.

But doesn’t it wound your pride to go to her like this?

Why?

Because she would not come to you.

God does not call us to protect our pride.

That’s very admirable.

I’m only doing what God calls.

He calls you too many things.

Nothing more than he called his own son.

If you say so.

I do.

Then I’ll take you to the post office now.

Thank you.

Just one more question.

Yes?

What are you going to do when you get there?

I have no idea.

Then I was right.

What?

You’re a fool.

Perhaps.

One Hour

Photo by ALP STUDIO on Unsplash

One hour

Tick tock

Does it really make a difference

Tick

Did I do anything worth speaking?

Tock

Did I spend the time well?

Tick

Or will I learn after all

Tock

That I wasted it?

Tick

I don’t want to live

Tock

With a mind set on things of earth

Tick

I want my heart to be set

Tock

On my eternal home

Tick

I’ll be there in a blink of an eye

Tock

But for right now

Tick

One hour is more important

Tock

Then I had ever thought before

Tick

Was what I was doing really worth it

Tock

And will hevan be better for it?
Tick tock

Just food for thought.

Love Always Hopes || A One Sentence Dialog

Hello everyone. It's been over a year since I've posted a one sentence dialog. I was hit with inspiration last night, and finally wrote another one. 

If you haven't read the past installments in this unorthodox series, find them here: Part One. Part Two. Part Three. Part Four. Part Five.

Here you go!

Where to next?

The post office.

You have no letter.

I know.

Are you waiting for something?

In a way.

What way?

I am hoping rather than expecting a letter.

How long has it been this time?

A year.

And you still think she’ll write again?

I hope so.

You’re a fool.

I know.

What gives you any reason to hope?

God does.

He will not write a letter for her.

Now, but He can move her to do so.

Do you believe He will?

I do not know.

And yet you hope.

Yes.

What if it comes to nothing?

And?

And she never writes to you again.

It would hurt.

Wouldn’t you also prove your hope was ridiculous?

I am never ashamed to hope.

Oh?

To hope in God is never in vain.

Even if what you hope for does not come about?

He still shows His hand at work in my life.

So you believe it is worth all the disappointment?

I do.

I’ll take you to the post office now.

Thank you.

One more question.

Yes?

How many times have you hoped for this letter?

More times than I can count.

Than I was right.

What?

You’re a fool.

Prehaps.

What did you think?

Freedom in the Dark

Late at night 

Trouble sleeping 

Working on things

That should have been done

A long time ago

Enjoying the quiet

Soaking up the dark 

Enjoying the freedom 

Doesn’t matter how much you did

Or how much you’re doing 

It just matters that it's getting done

The voices of self-destruction 

Have gone to sleep for now

So maybe here in the quiet 

Is the one place 

We are really free

Thank you God, for freedom in the dark.

The Gifts God Gives

I was really talking to myself when I wrote this, but I thought I thought I would share it with y'all.

It always looks like 

Everyone has more than you

Like they have what you want 

Like they have it without trying 

They didn’t even after to work 

To get all the things they did 

They couldn’t have wanted it 

As much as you did 

Even if that’s true 

What does it matter? 

What if they do have more? 

What if they do have what you wanted? 

What does it matter 

If they didn’t want it as badly? 

Who are you to questions

The gifts God gives?

He has given you so much 

Look at everything you have 

Don’t you wonder 

If they want what you have?

With Them You Are Wanted

Sometimes I just need happy poems, so here's one for you. It's not my best, but I like it anyway. 

With them you are wanted

You are needed 

They're there to say 'its okay'

They'll do something  

a million times for you 

They'll repeat something 

until you understand 

They'll laugh with you 

They aren't afraid of tears 

They ask your advice 

They aren't afraid of quiet 

Absences only brings them closer 

Anger only makes them gentler 

Irritation only makes them kinder 

Doubt only makes them pray harder

Fear only makes them push closer

They aren't about to leave you 

and you are wanted 

F R I E N D S 

My Problem with Aesthetics

Aesthetic is the it word right now. Some people have an aesthetic feed, some don't. We gush over someone's amazing aesthetic. We have aesthetic goals. We want our life to look aesthetic.

Are you getting tired of hearing that word in repetition? So am I.

First off, before I go tearing into my *cough* speech. Let's look at what an aesthetic is exactly.

Long story short: Aesthetic is beauty that gives pleasure.

But what does it mean to us? From my investigation, it mainly means having a color theme. Normally white with just a touch of succulent and fairy lights. But it can mean something different with every different subject (For book covers paintings and very few colors are aesthetic right now)

So what does it do? It makes people want to have aesthetic life's. We want to have a life that inspires comments like "wow, your life is so aesthetic."

I'm going to tell you something; there is nothing aesthetic about my life. Not even my Pinterest boards. I can't stay with one theme to save my life.

So now we get to the point of this post: if aesthetic is just wanting things to look pretty, why do I have a problem with it? 

Once upon a late night online, I decided I was going to be aesthetic. I was going to figure out how all these people did it, and I was going to do it too. Why? Because its pretty. Those people are the most popular. And it would be nice for once to have people say my life looked beautiful.

Once upon the end of my first week, I had failed and I was beating myself up about it. I just couldn't seem to stick to what went with the theme I had chosen. There were so many other things I loved.

I was holding myself to an impossible standard of what the internet thought was pretty. I told myself that it was just posting pretty pictures, it wouldn't make a difference. But it did. It made a huge difference. I was getting frustrated with my whole life and everything in it for not being aesthetic.

To me, trying to stay true to my 'aesthetic' led to a lot more detriment then it did good. It was like I was forcing myself to lie about my life and say it was petty so people would like me.

Now, guys, I'm not saying that all aesthetics are bad, or that having an aesthetic feed is bad. What I'm saying is that sometimes we hold our self to a standard so high that it forces us into a mold not made for us. We weren't all made to post white/green/fairy-lit photos, okay? We weren't meant to only read books with pretty covers. We weren't meant to hate posting a picture that didn't go with our feed.

Maybe we need to rethink our aesthetic. To ask our self's why we are doing it. Because if you're doing it because you love posting pictures that go together, and it just makes you feel happy, go for it. But if you're doing it (Like I did) because of pure pressure, and trying to gain followers, maybe its time to rethink. People may look at your feed and be impressed, but maybe there are other people who feel suppressed by the aesthetic movement and would be encouraged by you being different.

Do you agree? Disagree? I would love to hear your thoughts. I'm totally up for discussion on this one.