Go With the Flow

This was posted on Mikaylaholman.blogspot.com. Co-posting will stop soon, so if you want to keep up with my blog, please go over follow there. 

Go with the flow 

Go with the flow 

Don’t fight it 

Don’t listen to people 

Telling you to fight 

Go with the flow 

Let your emotions 

Pull you out 

Be adrift on this water 

Of man built ideas 

On your whims and thoughts 

Don’t fight them 

Go adrift 

Don’t use your ore 

Be carried out where 

The waves crash 

Go with the flow 

Don’t go don’t go 

Fight your way out 

Fight against your own ideas 

Go against your emotions 

Don’t follow the current 

Of your own selfish ideas 

Fight your way to shore 

Paddle till you ache 

Make your way there 

Where you’ll be safe 

On a shore built by God 

With arms to hold you 

And to help you 

Don’t go with the flow 

Fight it, fight it

And find yourself 

On an unmovable shore

Just Dance

Dance

Just dance 

The walls are falling down 

Dance between the pieces 

As they crack apart 

Jump to avoid falling. 

Tiptoe over the delicate parts 

Twirl to avoid looking down

Spin with your face turned to the sky 

Put your arms out for balance 

Vault over the missing places 

Dance 

Just dance 

Don’t make this a trail of tears 

You can cry some of those to 

But make this a dance of victory 

A bending to His will 

A place to find new joy 

And discover where He wants you next 

Dance 

Just dance 

You can cry 

And mourn the wall falling down

But its destined to fall 

And you can either run 

Bolting across them in fear 

And in pain 

Or you can dance 

Choosing to decided that the One 

Who built the wall 

Has decided it’s coming down 

And there are better things waiting 

When you come to the other end 

Dance

Just dance 

If you fall 

You may just discover 

That He’ll make it so

You can fly 

When Waiting Begins to Hurt

This is not one of my most put together poems, but a lot has been piling up recently and prompted me to write this. I was recently reminded in several ways how much I need to be storing up treasure in my eternal home, not in my temporary one.

Sometimes the waiting hurts 

When people we love die 

When pets go on 

And there’s financial strain 

When people get injured 

And decisions are hard 

The waiting begins to hurt 

It’s a subtle realization 

A small stabbing in the heart 

That this world 

Will never be my home 

I’m trying to store up treasure 

In that home, not this 

I’m laying aside things 

Knowing I’ll see them again 

But as friends go before me 

And hurt begins to stab 

I know I’ll see them again 

Because what’s lost in the world

That clings to His mighty grace

Is never lost for good 

It's waiting at home 

But this waiting is beginning to hurt 

I’m getting a hankering for home 

So I can see what I lost face to face 

And know, as I always have 

That all this pain 

Is worth the wait 

When Letting Go Hurts

When you feel broken 

But whole 

When you’ve cried many tears 

But feel better than before 

When letting go hurts 

And moving on is hard 

But amidst the pain 

Is a tiny little spark 

Of something like adventure

Something that tells you 

Something better is coming 

That all this crying 

Is for a reason 

And all the uprooting now 

Is to make room for something new 

And a gentle voice says 

“You won’t even miss this” 

And even though it seems crazy 

You believe that voice

You Probably Never Knew

I had another post planned for today, but a dear old friend of mine died, and so this is about him. He had been a friend of the family's since we moved to this house twenty years ago. 

Every Wednesday this summer 

You wanted me to sit with you 

and tell you how I was doing 

You wanted to know about my family 

You probably never knew 

How much that meant to me

Every Wednesday

You would tell me how much 

You loved my blog posts

Every week

You probably never knew 

How much that meant to me 

Every Wednesday 

We would sit together 

And sometimes we'd laugh 

About stories of my family 

And how you watched us grow up 

You probably never knew 

How much that meant to me

Every Wednesday 

You would give me a hug 

And tell me you were glad I came

And that you missed me at your church 

You probably never knew 

How much that meant to me 

Every Wednesday 

Quickly became a favorite 

Because I got to spend it 

With you 

And I never told you 

How much that meant to me 

Every Wednesday 

From now till forever 

You get to spend with 

the One you loved best 

And I hope He tells you 

Just how much you really meant 

To all of us down here 

Every Wednesday 

I'm going to think of you  

And the time we had together 

And how you always cared about my life

I can't wait to see you again 

So that I can finally tell you 

Just how much you meant to me 

Till we meet again, Mr. Emmons. I'm glad you're home. 

Couldn't Ask For Better

This is for a dear friend.

Working all day 

Studying all night 

Gotta make good grades 

Dedicated 

Coming home to little sis 

Watching her grow so fast 

Being the best sister possible 

Caring 

Stepping out and making friends 

When it's easier to stay alone 

Knowing connections are worth it 

Priorities in line 

Taking the time in a busy day 

Calling friends just to say hi 

Making time for them 

Sacrificial 

Listening to God's call 

Following His word 

Putting Him first 

Loving 

I couldn't ask for a better friend than you, girl. Happy 20'th birthday!!

Where There was Darkness

I wrote this for a friend a while ago.

What was broken 

Is mending 

Where there was darkness

There is light 

Pouring in 

Over everything 

We used to think 

we were broken 

Without hope of being 

Put back together 

We thought we were too far 

Way too far gone 

But maybe after all 

Those cracks 

Were to let the light in 

And all the broken places 

Were to show me 

God’s perfection 

And His love 

In lifting us out 

Of the darkness 

Noise That Fills the Day

Songs to wake me up 

To help through workout 

Reading through the morning 

Talking through lunch 

Audiobook to work to 

Music while I blog 

Writing on a review 

Texting in between 

More music while we work 

Conversations through dinner 

Phone call after cleaning 

Then outside to see the sunset 

And stopping short 

To realize how quiet it is 

No music fills the air 

No talking from nearby 

This silence speaks 

Multitudes by itself 

Breathe in the cold air 

Hear my own thoughts 

Listen to God’s still voice 

As He tells me to be still 

Be still and quiet 

And know that He is God 

Loosing Christmas Joy

Christmas joy 

Seems lost this year

The sparkle of the season 

Seems beyond my reach 

Nothing I do 

Can bring it back 

I struggle to find 

That magic anticipation 

That longing in my heart 

For that special day 

But this year seems to go by 

In faded black and white

I can’t find my Christmas spirit

And I have begun to wonder 

If I’ll ever get it back 

And somehow 

As these thoughts go 

Through my mind 

I realize 

I’m focusing on me 

During a season 

That’s all about Him 

So maybe instead 

Of being worried

That I’ve lost my anticipation 

I should focus 

On God’s amazing gift 

And the fact that this year 

My family is all together 

I won't be posting on Monday because of Christmas, but I'll be back next Friday!

Keep Working

Stressed out 

Keep working 

Pain shooting 

Keep running 

Breath ragged 

Keep walking 

Heart hurting 

Keep loving 

Work dragging 

Keep plugging

Year slipping 

Keep gripping 

Tears gathering 

Keep fighting 

Words broken 

Keep Praying 

My Mission

Stressed but blessed 

Under a mountain of work 

Trying to dig myself out 

Trying to find the end 

Somehow forgetting 

That this is my mission 

This is my purpose 

Every little project 

Building into a greater plan 

Sometimes it doesn't 

Feel like that 

But I have to remember 

That I don't look at things 

The way God does 

And every little project 

Every letter I write

Is building on something 

Bigger then I can see

Sorry this is so late, the internet here has been terrible.

Words Unsaid

I've got to be honest, I have no idea where this poem came from. I was just looking at the sunset and it wouldn't stop repeating in my mind. 

Words unsaid

Questions unasked

Things always wondered

Thoughts not spoken

All of them

Slipping out of reach

Into the fading light 

Of the pink dusk 

NaNoWriMo Excerpt

Hey everyone! I'm a bit buried under NaNo (surprise surprise) so here are some little tidbits from my work in progress! These are unedited, so they're probably messy. =) 

Some names have been changed to protect spoilers. ;) Also, Conner is my main characters (Kate) brother.

The field was filled with screams. So many people hurt. So many people dying. The massacre happening faster then any of us expected. The platform, I was laying out on it. Colby screaming from the other side. Zoe was in front of me, he dad dying. His last breath. In, out, nothing. I couldn't rip my eyes away from him. Dead. So many people dead. I couldn't move. I couldn't help anyway.

Someone was pulling me up. I scrunched up my face. The pain. Everywhere. It was all over me.
They were holding me. I was safe. I felt the beating of their heart against my cheek. I became aware of my own ragged breathing. My face was wet.
I gripped their back and slowly realized I was in my room. It was as dark as the mines. Conner's familiar breathing was over me. He didn't say anything. I didn't care.
I cried into his shoulder. Sobs came up harder than they ever had since the attack. I shivered as I could still feel the dark feeling that was over that field.
Conner held onto me and ever so lightly ran his thumb back and forth over my back.
The phantom pain faded and I took slow breaths into the dark, attempting to calm my racing heart.
I listened to his steady heart, letting it calm my own. We were home. The battlefield was all the way back on earth. I was safe.

My breaths came in ragged breaths as I sank down against the wall. I should go home. I should be with my family. They would help this hollow feeling inside. This sinking feeling that we were never going to be at peace. I took in quick breaths as I watched the medics and security swarm over the area. Was the man I had helped okay? Was anyone okay after this? 

Something twisted in my stomach. Something heavier than when earth had attacked us. That had been people who didn't know us. Who didn't care. But we had just attacked ourselves. Sideners, Kelarians, we were all the same, no matter how much hatred ran in our veins. 

I hugged my knees to me, everything beginning to feel numb. I was alone. So alone. 

The wind started up, pushing my hair back from my face and sending ash right into me. 

I coughed into my arm, squeezing my eyes shut as they burned from the ash. 

I had to get away. Stumbling to my feet I pushed away from the wall and hurried forward. Ignoring all pain, I squeezed through the people coming and going. I had to get away. 

A special thank you to my real life Kate for helping me decide what to post tonight and making the process more fun. <3

Life Moves On

(Honestly, I wrote this weeks ago, and this isn't how I feel right now, but I am brain dead from NaNo and have nothing else to post.)

Life moves on 

Even after heartache 

After countless apologies 

And tears that burned 

The tears go away 

And the ache fades 

People forget 

But today it feels like forever 

Like it will never pass 

The pain is still fresh 

While waiting until 

Life moves on

It Feels Like You Have Forever

I said goodbye to some friends recently that I knew I might not see again.

It feels like you have forever 

Until you don't 

It feels like they will always be there 

Until they're not 

Trying to cram a lifetime of memories 

Into one week 

Trying to get hours of conversations 

In one visit 

Pretending you're heart isn't breaking 

When it is 

Pretending you'll see each other soon 

When you won't 

Pushing away the tears that threaten 

Until you're alone 

Pushing away the thought of tomorrow 

Until it's here 

Attempting to smile through the pain 

Striving for hope 

Attempting to say a goodbye that lasts 

Striving for a memory

Hoping you are remembered 

After they leave 

Hoping you get to see them again 

After they're gone 

Love is Not Proud || A One Sentence Dialogue

It's been four months, but I'm happy to be back for another post office story. If you haven't read the others, you can read them here: Part One. Part Two. Part Three. Part Four. Part Five. Part Six.

Where to next?

The Post office.

Again?

Yes.

Did you forget something?

Yes, a ticket.

Oh, you’re going on a trip?

I am.

Where to?

To see a friend.

Is this the girl…

Yes.

Is that really advisable?

I think so.

Why?

She needs me.

Oh?

She needs someone to be there for her.

But you of all people…

Know what it’s like to need someone.

But doesn’t it wound your pride to go to her like this?

Why?

Because she would not come to you.

God does not call us to protect our pride.

That’s very admirable.

I’m only doing what God calls.

He calls you too many things.

Nothing more than he called his own son.

If you say so.

I do.

Then I’ll take you to the post office now.

Thank you.

Just one more question.

Yes?

What are you going to do when you get there?

I have no idea.

Then I was right.

What?

You’re a fool.

Perhaps.

Your Eyes

Photo by JC Gellidon on Unsplash

I look in your eyes 

Those lovely blue eyes 

I’ve looked at them so many times 

So many happy smiles held there 

And tears pooling 

I stare into those eyes 

Those lovely blue eyes 

That used to be more familiar then my own 

And my heart falters 

As I realize 

I don’t recognize them anymore 

Three Words

It’s weighing on my chest

Pressing me down

Choking me

As I know it will have to

Because it has to come up

I have to say the words

I’ve said them so many times

But I’m not ready to do it again

I’m not ready

My heart beats faster

Yet it seems to stop as well

My lips part as I try to say the words

But my head screams at me to stop

We shouldn’t have to say these words

So many times

But we are saying them again

The words are spoken

Whispered in a husky voice

Something dies inside of me

My heart stops completely

I feel empty

Just because of three words

“Goodbye, dear friend.”

I wrote this awhile back but decided to post it for a friend who is having to say a hard goodbye right now. 

Dreams

This is esentally an acompanment poem to Tuesday's post.

Tonight I’m tired 

I’m tired of being tired

I’m tired of a dream 

That I never thought I would be 

I love making words flow 

I love doing this 

But I didn’t realize it meant this 

The light night exhaustion

The days of giving up things 

The pushing through the haze 

This is not what I thought it would be 

But somehow I love it anyway 

I am tired of chasing my dream 

But even through the exhaustion

I feel the joy of the journey welling inside of me 

I get to chaise my dream 

I have the privilege  

To chaise my dream 

I get to work late at night 

I get to choose what I do 

God helps me push through the haze 

God gave me this crazy dream 

And now He’s helping me chaise it 

Sometimes it’s not 

The dream I thought it would be 

This is the part where dreams 

Meet the pavement 

But I’m not stopping 

Oh not tonight 

I’ve got a dream 

And I’m chasing it 

Future

Future

It's a rather ominous word 

Its a hopeful word 

It holds everything we will be 

And everything we will do 

Future 

Its unattainable in a way 

But also you are living it 

It is what you dreamed of 

Yet it's not 

Future 

It's where God already is 

He is in your present 

He promises it will all be 

For your ultimate good

Future 

Leads us nearer and nearer 

Always one step closer 

To eternity with Christ 

It is all building towards then 

Future 

Is endless 

But we must build it 

Store up treasures for it 

Build relationships for it

Future 

Is forever 

And it is held by the One 

Who took the nails 

So you could spend it with Him

This is probably one of my favorite poems I have written all year.