I Used to be the Best (Or at least I thought so)

I used to be the best. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I was on my blog. I had it down pat. Procrastinate until the last minute, then scurry around and slap something up on the blog just in time. But, I did it. I never missed a post, not really.

I used to be the best. Every Tuesday and Thursday, I would very faithfully do the kitchen. In our house, that means all dishes, cleaning, and meal prep. I was good at it. I rarely ever needed help, and I really prided myself on that.

I used to be the best. I would always reply to emails the day I received them. I replied to letters the next day, and I always sent people prompt birthday gifts.

I used to be the best. I mean, what could be so hard about slapping stories onto paper? I would just sit down, and write stories. I could pound out 20k in a month and have a decently well-rounded story.

There is one problem with being the best. At least there was for me. One day, I wasn't. I don't know what happened along the way, but I think it was something called reality. That reality didn't hit for a long time, but one day I looked up and realized what had been coming on slowly for a very long time.

I was no longer posting three times a week. Or two. I was struggling to post once.

My kitchen days were looking a little dirtier, and a bit more sloppily done.

Emails sat in my inbox for weeks, letters even longer. I even missed a couple birthdays.

I struggled to get words on paper.

At eighteen I came to the conclusion that probably should have come much earlier in my life: I was not the best and I never had been. 

I failed in a lot of the areas I prided myself most at. Some of them a lot more serious then I've mentioned here. And once I hit that bottom where I saw all the places I had failed, I realized something: I'm okay with not being the best.

I did hit a point once where I just wondered why I should even try if I couldn't be the best. But God's been showing me a lot lately that He doesn't call me to be the best or to never fail, He wants me to follow Him.

I know that I am not done with this struggle, but at least for now, I'm okay with not being the best. I'm okay with not being the most amazing friend or writer, or blogger. I am content to just try my very best, and rely on God's strength to keep me on track. He wants me to follow Him, and I'm learning more about that now than I ever did when I thought I had everything together. 

I am not the best. And I am okay with that.