A Messy Heart

I come home at night

To a messy room

It doesn’t seem as messy

As my jumbled thoughts

I can’t sort though

All the stuff tonight

I just want to escape

But I’ve escaped

For so many nights

I’m afraid I can’t

Run any longer

I have to stay

And fight the clutter

Present myself

To the Holy One

And let Him slowly

Chip away at my mess

And maybe if I face it today

Tomorrow will be easier

Maybe I can win

By fighting harder then I want to

Story Bits

I would love to be able to tell you that I have been super productive this week. Unfortunately the best I can tell you is that I had one day where I worked really hard. I did manage to finish a novella I've been working on for a couple months now, which I was really excited about. So here's a bit from it, please forgive its unedited state. Its called "What I've Become."

Jerold's hands shook as he reached out for the door to the academy.

He would be just like his dad. Maybe it was better he didn’t talk to anyone. If he didn’t get close to anyone, he couldn’t hurt them. He wouldn’t do that to another person.

He slipped through the lobby as quietly as he could. Students filled the halls and he wished he could keep his cap. He felt so much safer when he could pull it over his face. But it was tucked in his pocket, and would remain there until he went outside again. Jerold fingered it, staring at his shoes instead of the students. If he looked at them, would they be able to see the fear in his eyes?

*****

Olivia paused in the doorway, her fizzled curls draping across her shoulders, a casual dress on, almost giving her the air of an innocent child. Until he met her eyes. They were troubled, deep pools of the pain she had endured, speaking when she was unable to do so. They flickered with worry now.

“What’s the matter?” Jerold asked, bracing himself.

Her eyes searched his, and her hand motioned to him.

He sighed “No, nothing’s wrong with me. I just had a bit of a rough start to my day.” He resisted the urge to rub his still aching ribs.

Olivia’s demeanor relaxed some, but her eyes still held a question.

Jerold pulled his cap off and shrugged out of his coat “It was just a kid who thought he could predict my future.”

Olivia’s hand rested on his arm, he glanced down at her. She rarely touched him. Her eyes pleaded with him.

He wanted to jerk away, to get away from her so he couldn’t get mad at her. Couldn’t possible hurt her. But she was so tender in her silent request he could not deny her.

"He said I was going to be like dad."

What do you think?

What You Wish For the Most

Sometimes the things you wish for the most

Are the things that hurt the worst

It doesn’t seem like it should work that way

But it does all the time

I tried to make myself believe

That it didn’t really hurt

But in the quiet moments

My heart broke again

May Highlights

Hey everyone! My May was just packed. The first eleven days of the month, I was on vacation. If you want to see the highlights from the trip, you can see them here. I'm afraid there are to many to share here. 

So here we go!

We went to San Antonio for the day. That was super cool cause we got to walk around and just have fun. I got a lot of photos and some of them were in my accidental photo dump post. Oups.

I revived my prizes for participating in Tricia Mingerink's release. That was pretty awesome. Not only do I now have the whole set of books, but I also have a small map of the fictional country its set in!

I helped my sister, Sarah, repaint her room. Since Rose is getting married and moving out next month, we wanted the room to be all nice and settled way in advance. 

Went singing in the rain with Rebekkah. We probably didn't hit one key right, but we had an awesome time.

I got to try out a photo booth for the first time, and a second! My sister and I did it, then me and my siblings found another and did it. We had a blast. 

I got to beta read Exiles by Jaye L. Knight. That was awesome, except now I want the next book and I have to wait a long time for it. 

I found a booked a photogerpher for my sisters wedding. It was really a God thing, because we don't have a high budget, but God provided someone willing to do it!!

I saw a movie being filmed. That was kinda fun. They were filming a bank robbery, so they had a fake machine gun going off and stuff. I would never got see the film, but it was fun to watch for a bit.

I had a really good book month! The lowest rating I gave was three and a half stars, and the book was still pretty good. 

I discovered four new five star books, which is just unheard of me doing in a month. But it happened with Brothers-In-Arms, Gift from the Storm, Exiles, and Screwtape Letters. 

Eighteen Pen and Ink

Strangers Twilight to Dawn

Fifth out of Eleven Fifth out of Ten

I Don't Have it Together Author of my Hope

My Bullet Journal The Introverted Extrovert

What Few Ever Know Lakeside Publications 

Spring Rain & Be The Change A Purpose and a Promise

How was your May?

Ink Spills From the Heart

This is a collection of short poems I wrote. They have no relation to each other. 

I cannot see the tops of the mountains 

Nor can I view the bottom of the sea

How much more can I fathom 

The height and depth of your love?

//

Walls falling down

But steeple still standing 

Glad to be a house of God 

Because even though the congregation 

Had left years ago 

God is still there

//

You will die 

The memory of you may die 

But your influence cannot die

//

Ink spills from the heart 

Story’s pour forth 

Like the crashing of a waterfall

Some stories permanently stain 

The paper of the heart 

Some fade with time 

All built the person 

Into who they are

//

This last one is about a friends grandmother who died this year. 

I never knew you 

You never knew me 

but we both knew of each other

I don't know what they told you 

About the things that I did 

But I know what they said about you

And you influenced me

Even though we never met

I could see your love 

In your descendants 

and that's just one of the things 

 That made you an amazing picture 

of God's priceless love