In which I have no conclusion to this story.
With every new week seems to come another new thing I need to work on in my life. This week it was really hard. I snapped at one of my siblings, then realized it was becoming a habit. Then I kind of looked at my behavior in general and realized somewhere in the past month (maybe longer) I have slipped into a lot of bad habits. Habits that will just keep getting worse and worse if I don’t work on them. Looking back, I realize that the problems I’m having weren’t all started with one decision, I've made a lot of really little decisions that have kept getting bigger until I finally came to see them clearly this week. It wasn't that I wasn't aware that my self-control was not at its best, but it just hadn't registered what I was doing to myself until I saw some of the effects of it.
Last night I was almost in tears thinking of all the things I needed to work on in my life. Including, but not limited to; Self-control, honesty, patience, pride, and anger. So yeah, when I started thinking of all the stupid things I had done I got pretty overwhelmed. I have always known that I’m flawed, but being able to remember, in just the past few days, a slew of things I have done to prove each of the above faults was getting worse was hard.
So I laid in my bed and prayed about each one of them. I cannot say I felt like they were all taken care of, but I did feel much more at peace about it. Today, I worked at doing better in each one. And tomorrow I will do the same, and I probably will continue for a good long time.
So, yes, as you already know I’m very flawed. But for the first time in weeks I really feel like I’m doing something to work against the temptations.